For a six-year-old growing up in the beautiful countryside, surrounded by gorgeous flowers planted by their lovely mother’s hands, with little puppies that would lick their face filling them with giggles, and having a hero called dad, would be more than anything they could want.  

Such things are just so beautiful and bring so much joy that it’s so hard to understand what real pain feels like until you experience it. 

“How are you feeling?” They asked me when both my parents abandoned me in an orphanage.  I didn’t understand, but the place seemed familiar. Aren’t they going to come back for me?  After a while, they told me that my parents had adopted me because they didn’t have any kids, but now they don’t want me anymore because they were soon expecting a baby of their own. 

But am I not their child? I asked, and they only hugged me, silencing me for the rest of my life. 

Growing up in an orphanage home was the worst experience ever. I would wake up dreaming about my mother hugging me and smoothing my hair down. She would then slowly comb it and tell me how beautiful I looked. I would hug her, and she would hug me back, and I would cry because I thought she had loved me. I would dream about my dad, who used to swing me around in circles, and we both would fall laughing so hard that we would cry. 

These dreams turned into nightmares, soaking my heavy smiles with tears… slowly washing away the love I had for them. 

Hate warped inside of me. At the same time, I felt like I was being alive inside out with jealousy. I hated them, I hated myself, and I hated everybody else around me who could smile so effortlessly. I isolated myself from everyone, and I stopped looking at my tear-stricken face in the mirror. 

I wish I didn’t do that because when I was sixteen, I lost my eyesight, and it made me realize that my life was meant to be like this. 

I don’t deserve to be happy, I would tell myself. 

By now, I’ve completely forgotten to smile, and I constantly yearn for more pain that grows inside me and swallows me whole, killing me, always killing me without ever taking my life. 

I felt useless… 

Every second that I spent my life, I worried and cried about what I would do in the future, about everything that I had lost, about how I had been abandoned… 

Everything was taken away from me, and now I have nothing else to give and nothing else to be stolen either… 

*** 

I met a woman one day, and even though I couldn’t see her, I knew that she was someone special. I felt better around her. 

She taught me how to dance, and I learned how to forget all my troubles and find ways to love myself.

Every beat and sound resonated with my heartbeat, which I would follow and dance like I was invincible.  

I’m more content and more at peace.

Most of all, I felt strong… I felt powerful… 

I stood up strong no matter how many times I fell. 

Even if I couldn’t see, and even if all of my loved ones had abandoned me, there was still that one person who believed in me. Even though everything keeps being stolen from me, it was dancing that pushed me through those moments. It’s the only thing that no one can steal from me. 

I gave performances and became known for my talent despite not having eyes. I won awards and even scholarships for various dance schools. 

I realized that with everything I had gone through, I could have just turned into a savage, a rebel, and could have tried to become someone terrible in return for everything that was taken away from me. 

But I’ve realized that I’m a young woman who hasn’t lost everything. 

I am powerful, and I stand up strong. I’ve burst the bubble around me, kicked the walls away from me, and I’ve shown everyone around me that nothing is ever the end. 

Even though I could only see darkness, I could still shed light onto everyone’s path showing them the way to what really matters, to find significance… 

Every moment passes slowly, leaving you with doubt and worry, changing you in many ways possible for the good or the bad. It’s up to each and every one of us to decide for ourselves if we want to spend every moment staying back, holding onto the past tears, not letting them fall and dry away, or by smiling to stand up for who we are…